UPDATE from findalis: Just discovered from a good source that this is satire. Sorry about that folks. READ THE ORIGINAL HERE
Major Nidal Hasan walked into the Soldier Readiness Processing Center at Fort Hood, Texas and opened fire upon his fellow soldiers shouting “Allah Akbar!”. 13 men and women were killed, 29 were wounded. Major Hasan was paralyzed in the attack. This was 4 years ago.
In the “bad” old days, Hasan would have been in front of a Courts-martial, tried and executed by now. But since it happened under President Barack Hussein Obama, he still hasn’t entered a plea. His trial is suppose to begin on May 29th.
Hasan hasn’t shaved in 4 years claiming religious reasons. In the “bad” old days he would have been held down and forcefully shaved. But under the new PC military, he has been allowed to keep his beard. He still receives his salary and was recently promoted to Lieutenant Colonel. To add salt to the wound, he was awarded the Legion of Merit.
FORT LEAVENWORTH, KS — Army officials have confirmed that Nidal Hasan was promoted to Lieutenant Colonel yesterday in a small and solemn ceremony in the gathering room of Fort Leavenworth’s maximum security prison.
The alleged mastermind behind the Fort Hood Shootings was ecstatic about the crossing of a major milestone in his military career and thanked all those in attendance. Meanwhile, protests were held outside the base, with people chanting “justice for the victims” and “don’t promote.” One participant stated that this ceremony was a “slap in the face of all the victims” from the massacre. Base officials refused to comment, declaring that Hassan’s promotion was decided months ago by personnel management officials.
When asked about the promotion, Major General William Hewitt, Commanding General of Human Resources Command (HRC), stated that Hasan’s personnel record was not negatively flagged by the chain of command and that by regulation the “Army had no choice but to award promotion to the service member.” When asked to elaborate about how such an oversight could occur, the general stated that the Army’s electronic human resources systems were undergoing upgrades that may have affected Hasan’s status.
“HRC has been physically migrating its systems to a new building at Fort Knox [Human Resources Command Headquarters] after the discovery of asbestos and mold in the current data storage warehouse. Unfortunately the files have been moved to a computer system that is not yet Y2K compliant. This might have affected the records of hundreds of personnel, including Hasan.”
During an investigation of Hasan’s service record, The Duffel Blog obtained several evaluation reports detailing the officer’s performance history. Of note is one report covering the period during Hasan’s alleged shooting spree. His superior officer, Colonel Nathan Butterworth, stated that Hasan has an excellent record stained with the occasional blemish.
“While not the best team player, Major Hasan has a peerless tactical mind with a demonstrated record of close quarters combat marksmanship.” Butterworth goes on to state “Major Hasan is an unparalleled asset to the Army. His capability to think like the enemy, allows him the ability to provide the military with a perspective not seen by the rest of the organization.”
Hasan also received a Legion of Merit from his superiors at Darnell Army Medical Center at Fort Hood upon Hasan’s transfer to Fort Leavenworth. Standard practice in the Army is to award soldiers a “Permanent Change of Station” award reflecting the sum total of their contributions while at their installation. Since Hasan’s movement to Leavenworth’s maximum security facility was technically a Permanent Change of Station, he was submitted for the award as a formality. The Legion of Merit was awarded during the same ceremony as Hasan’s promotion, although the officer presenting the award was forced to move Hasan’s beard to one side to affix it to his uniform.
The award now hangs inside Hasan’s cell, below a framed letter from Osama Bin Laden, congratulating Hasan on the “successful slaughter of dozens of infidels.”
Luckily, said Hewitt, the error was caught in time to prevent the promotion of SPC Bradley Manning, who allegedly leaked over 40,000 top-secret military and diplomatic documents to the WikiLeaks website in the largest confidential document dump in American history. His adverse action flag was restored before he could attain the rank of Sergeant.
Manning was reportedly disappointed in being removed from consideration, as he had already begun studying for the Sergeant Promotion Board, but at least has the consolation of having received a Good Conduct Medal during the interim. It is unknown at this time how many personnel received promotions and awards in error, and the Army Inspector General’s office is continue to investigate.
Under any other President, Hasan would have been executed by now and the attack would have been labelled an “Terrorist Attack”. But under the appeasement of Barack Hussein Obama, none of that has happened. Instead this administration regime has bent over backwards in coddling Hasan.
If Hasan is convicted and sentenced to death I can see President Obama pardoning his sorry ass. It is a shame that the shot that paralyzed this piece of human flotsam had killed him instead.
UPDATE: Just discovered from a good source that this is satire. Sorry about that folks. But I don’t put a pardon pass Obama.
Are YOU being satirical too? This *story* originates on the DuffelBlog – link
below – who are SATIRE….It is NOT TRUE! Check out the comments as well over
there – they are always hilarious, too.:)
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