A Story About Thinking…or Not!

I’m sure this is a true story. Likely it has happened over and over to some of your own friends and family throughout your life.  I don’t know the author’s name, but if you do please leave the name in comments and I will surely give credit. While the following will not be dangerous to my readers (mmm, maybe a few), be careful who you pass it on to. This scenario it is not a natural state that God would have us enter into, however, the lesson learned may be tempting to some.

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then – just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a  social thinker.

I began to  think alone — “to relax,” I told myself — but I knew it wasn’t true.   Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was  thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home.  One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life.  She spent that night at her mother’s.

I began to  think on the job.  I knew that thinking and employment don’t mix,  but I couldn’t help myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius, Camus and Kafka.  I listened to Glenn Beck on the radio.  I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, “What is it exactly that we are doing here?”

One day the  boss called me in.  He said, “Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem.  If you  don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job.”

This gave me a  lot to think about.  I came home early after my conversation with  the boss. “Honey,” I confessed, “I’ve been thinking…”

“I know you’ve  been thinking,” she said, “and I want a divorce!”  “But Honey,  surely it’s not that serious.”  “It is serious,” she said, her lower lip aquiver.  “You think as much as college professors and college professors don’t make any  money, so if you keep on thinking, we won’t have any money!”

“That’s a  fallacious syllogism,” I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

“I’m going to  the library,” I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke.  I roared into the  parking lot with Rush Limbaugh on the radio and ran up to the big glass  doors.

They didn’t open.  The library was closed.

To this day, I  believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

Leaning on the  unfeeling glass and whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye,  “Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?” it asked.

You probably recognize that line.  It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.

This is why I  am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a  TA meeting.  At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was “Porky’s.” Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.  Life just seemed  easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.  I think the road  to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took  the final step… I joined the Democratic  Party.

Thanks to my biggest brother, who is always looking out for me. Hugs.


  • Maggie … I don’t know what to think about this. Please help.

  • Hi Carl, it’s just a joke – people who don’t think are obviously Democrats (a state God didn’t intend – my words). I “crafted” the intro and the rest is from an email making the rounds.

  • Hilarious and ironic. Nice work Maggie!

  • Now I don’t care who you are… That’s funny!

  • Fallacious syllogism! HA! Great piece!

  • What is truly sad, is I was once told by an employer, “I don’t pay you to think!” I should have walked out that day…but eventually did walk out.